Yeah. I really don't feel like myself this week. I don't think I did last week either. I've been happy for a while, I guess it was only a matter of time before I felt a little more down than I have lately.
We did have a fun day swimming at the creek the other day. It's hard not to feel happy when there's water, a sandy beach, and sunshine. Until you go home and you don't have the water, sandy beach, and sunshine anymore. Then you feel a little sad. I wish I'd taken pictures, but I've been very lax about remembering my camera lately. Whoops. Must be better about that. I'm very grateful for the fun moments.
When you want something so much, I guess sometimes it hurts when you don't get it. Watching other people get what you want is hard, too. I certainly know a lot of people who deserve every happiness they have! I wouldn't take it away from them for the world! But sometimes I wonder why not me too...?
Being happy for other people is typically pretty easy. It's only lately that it has started to hurt a little, but I'll keep playing through the pain. I can't think of any other alternative. When I was feeling a bit overwhelmed the other day, I had Cathy to talk to (thanks best sister ever!) and a husband to take me out for some ice cream (thanks best husband ever!). So I know that I am blessed. Does it make me ungrateful to feel a little sad sometimes? I hope not. I try to count my blessings everyday, because I certainly have a lot! I've been through a lot and am still okay. That in and of itself is worth being grateful for.
I continue to paste a smile on my face and genuinely express my happiness over my friend's and family's good fortune. And I keep reminding myself that everything I need in my life (for now) I have. Everything I need in my life later, I'll have when I need it. It's kind of tough that I don't get to decide for myself always, but I have faith and my own good fortune to be grateful for.