So this evening, apparently Verizon had an outage in Boise. On my way home from work I usually call Jesse, and we have a nice talk while I drive. I got voicemail. Was odd... but ok. So I called and talked to Del instead. It was nice, since she and I haven't talked in a while, and our conversations are always satisfying. Still, I was frustrated. And as throughout the evening I tried texting, calling, leaving messages to reach him, I was unable to get hold of him. Very frustrating.
I did realize something in regards to my precious phone. It's not really the phone I value so much as I value the link to the people I love and don't always get to see as often as I prefer. The communication is what it provides me, and I greatly appreciate it.
Some friends stopped by this evening and we had a discussion about communication. We just got talking about why some relationships with friends and boyfriends don't work out, and what it boiled down to was lack of communication. I think about the most succesful relationships I have, and it seems that the secret of their success is the freedom I feel in speech, action; really every way. I can be myself without worry, and I know that any problems that arise will be worked through.
On a walk with my best friend I'm afraid to admit that I got a bit snipey. What I appreciate most is that she told me flat out what I was doing, and that it upset her. I was given the opportunity to apologize, which I did, and we talked about it a bit. Freely. Openly. Comfortably. And I don't really remember what the details of the problem were, I just remember that I was relieved to be able to resolve things, and to feel like it was ok. Because we could communicate with each other.
Contrarywise I see in relationships I've had that failed where communication failed, and was the root of the problems we had. It's interesting, and I'm glad I learned a bit from them. It's hard to not regret the things left unsaid, or the things said that shouldn't have been. I guess regret is a part of life... and I'm reminded of my favorite childhood movie, The Last Unicorn.
UNICORN: I am a little afraid to go home. I have been mortal, and some part of me is mortal yet. I am no longer like the others; for no unicorn was ever born who could regret. But now I do. I regret.
SCHMENDRICK: I am sorry, I have done you evil and I cannot undo it.
UNICORN: No. Unicorns are in the world again. No sorrow will live in me as long as that joy - save one, and I thank you for that part too.
Kind of sums up my feelings there. I think Peter S. Beagle's words communicate my feelings beautifully. And when you can't find your own words, sometimes you can borrow someon else's and the meaning is the same. In the meantime, I keep my precious close to me and charged up; ready to use. Just in case I feel like talking.