Sunday, October 26, 2008

Don't Change the Channel

Well, I'm moving to Boise. It's official as of this Friday. I can hardly believe it, but the boxes all over my apartment are a constant reminder. And I still have packing left to do. I got all the heave stuff in smaller boxes and I may have boxes to spare this time. A bit of a change. I'm a fast packer so I'm not too worried about getting it done on time, I'm more worried about having help to load the trailer.
Honestly I thought living in town with a lot of family would be different. Somehow I thought I would be more involved in their lives and would see them more, but honestly they never tell me when things are going on. I either find out on accident but just showing up, hear about it from Emily because she doesn't want to go unless I do, or I hear about it after the fact and get told things like... "Oh you should have come!" or "I thought (insert name) called you!" But no one does. And then when I do get told about family events, I either can't go because of work or I've already made other plans and it's too late to change them. Its a bit disappointing. And now when I really need them, I probably won't have any help loading up. I know people always say this, but if they called me and needed my help or just wanted it, I would go and help. And yet... I haven't heard a word from anyone about being able, not being able or anything. It's just disappointing in family more than anyone else.

On a happier note, I have a nice apartment that I can afford in Boise. Its a two bedroom townhouse, and I'm very excited. I looked at it and filled out the paperwork last weekend and it's officially mine for a year. On top of that, I pretty much have a job. The interviews have gone really well, and I just have one more before I am officially hired. Another weight off my mind. Things are falling right into place, and it certainly helps alleviate any nervousness I might have had about starting over in a new place again. I am definitely looked out for. Feels nice.

It also feels 100% like the right decision. Granted there are a few things that still make me wonder about it... because obviously I can't see into the future. But I'm secure in the knowledge that I will be ok no matter what happens. Just have to work hard, do everything I can do and it will all be alright. I still have my panic moments, because let's face it *I* invented the ulcer. I worry over nothing frequently, but also have people in my life who help soothe my fears and put things into correct perspective for me. I know my family worries about me and how I will do on my own there, but I'm actually very excited. It's a new challenge and if I really need it, help isn't that far away. I can't explain why I feel so good about it, but I do. Once I actually made the decision and started planning my life I just felt good.

Idaho Falls has been good to me, but it's always had a sort of transitory feel to it. And now that I have my feet firmly under me again (cuz I've had a bit of a rough time over the past few years) I feel confident that I can and will move forward with my life and be happy. It actually feels like the things I want in life are within my grasp. Although those things have changed a bit that's ok. Its nice to feel like my life won't be a total mess after all... it's gonna be good! So stay tuned...

Sunday, October 5, 2008

When Will I Settle Down Already???

Most people think I'm kidding or just being funny when I say that I feel as though I have been doomed to wander the earth for 40 years as the Israelites of old. I guess at least I don't have to wander in the desert like they did. And I have Jack-in-the-Box instead of manna. I've moved from house to house, city to city, state to state, and seem to be showing NO signs of stopping. Case in point: I moved to Idaho Falls after a couple years in Spokane thinking that I would settle there and stay for a decade or two. Except I'm not doing that, I'm moving to Boise in about three or four weeks. End of October. On Halloween. Like moving isn't scary enough!

I haven't found an official apartment yet, or a job for that matter. But things seem to be going well and falling into place. That's usually a good sign to me that things will come and I'm moving in the right direction. It's nice to feel like I'm making a good decision, even if everyone around me is skeptical.

Living in IF has been a bit like hiding out. It's comfortable and easy and safe. And I guess I need to go somewhere I can get out of my safe zone. I've missed a faster pace in town, as well. I miss high-rise buildings, downtown shops, outdoor dining (when it's warm) and theater! I've been to stuff here in IF at a couple of theaters, but it's just not the same as the Opera House in Spokane, or some of the other places I've been. It'll be weird to live in a city that doesn't have any other family in it, because in my 30 years of life (OMGosh I'm OLD!) someone else has always lived in the same city as me. Well, with the exception of a few horrible years. But those don't matter. I've been on my own enough to know that regardless of the details, I WILL be okay. And while I'm nervous about going somewhere new, I'm also excited for the possibilities it will bring. Just gotta make sure I've got a job!

That, I would have to say, is the WORST part of moving to a new place. Worrying that no one will want to hire me and that I'll be a jobless bum and have to pawn all my worldly goods wakes me up in the wee sma's and makes me shiver. I know it's an unrealistic fear, but it's probably going to be there until I get settled in. I don't enjoy learning a new job either. It frustrates me when I don't know what I'm doing, but then I remind myself it's ALL part of the process of learning and adjusting. It's a good lesson for me.

I suppose I have been cursed to wander the earth for 40 years, but the good news IS I've only got ten more years to go! And then I can settle in to my Promised Land... or something like that. I'd really love to settle and stay for a whole decade and see how that feels, but I suspect I might not even be capable of settling in and staying. I just don't know if I can at this point. I'm too used to moving around and the thrill of a new city, new faces, new experiences... I guess we'll see. Home is where all your crap is anyway and all my crap is pretty portable.

To sum up, I'm excited. And I feel GOOD about my decision to move there. It's nice to feel like you can make decisions and not totally screw up your life, not to mention feeling good about those decisions. I feel like I'm led where I need to be and taken care of when I get there. It's good.
***Update: I've got two job interviews AND I found an apartment in a nice area that I can AFFORD. Whee!!! It's all comin' togetha!!!

Rachel and Jesse

Rachel and Jesse

Things Currently Making Me Happy

  • All the warm snuggly quilts Grandma made me
  • I have bangs again!
  • Jesse. He's just the best husband!!
  • Little secrets I get to keep
  • Sunshine

Things Currently Annoying Me

  • Dealing with a stubborn 4-year-old
  • I miss my family
  • Less time to spend with my husband and more time to be alone
  • Trying (unsuccessfully) to make friends with someone in my ward...
  • Will it ever be warm again?